3 Years in the making..A visit back to Haiti (Joy's reflection)

 This tree reminds me of the past 3 years post Haiti life. I planted this tree which started in a little test tube the kids brought home for Arbor Day. I planted this our first year in our new home. The thing was a twig but I was determined to grow it! I put it in the ground with a milk jug around it for protection. A year later it became a stick. So it grew from a twig to a stick--in a year. This tree's life didn't look too promising.  It was too weak to withstand the elements of Ohio weather and looked like a stick, no leaves--nothing. Year two, surprisingly it sprouted branches and teeny tiny leaves!  And, I had to take the milk jug off due to its size. Maybe this little tree was going to make it! Just last week it's leaves returned and here it stands, year three, still small yet sturdy! As I ran past our house today and looked at the tree it reminded me of the last 3 years of my life in a nut shell.
Returning from Haiti I weathered many storms; disappointment, hurt, deep sadness, friendships that (rightly so) moved on without me, and anxiousness that caused isolation.  The physical and emotional toll caused a weakness in me I had never felt. The need to sit during music at church because I felt weak in the knees and had shortness of breath. I hid in the house afraid to go out and had zero interest or desire to cultivate new friendships. The struggle was so real it was hard to comprehend. I was the twig.  The only thing that got me through those days and months..years was the Lord. I remember crying out and begging to be carried because I couldn't walk.  Slowly, a moment at a time, I started growing stronger. The cloudiness in my head started to clear and I cautiously stepped out. "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yolk is easy and my burden is light." Day in and day out these words ran through my head. I refused to give in to the darkness that so desperately wanted to gobble me up. "Come to me..." is all I could think and pray and do. 2 years post Haiti and the struggle was still very real. I was growing weary. Will I ever get through this?
June of 2017 the missionary family we teamed with in Haiti came to stay with us for a week, the McCormicks. The kids had a blast reuniting and us adults had fun seeing each other and had countless conversations about the three years in Haiti. Through those countless conversations and joy in our time together the darkness within me lifted. The private questions I held and toiled within were answered and a renewed sense of hope appeared! Was I was finally over the hump? Could healing be restored? It can and did! Year three and healing is still taking place.
I decided to make a focused effort on 'today'.  Faithful in 'today' and only today. I try hard not to look past the present calendar day until I wake up in the morning. I prepare for the day and try to be faithful in it. I fall asleep only to wake up and do it all over again. Year three my relationship with the Lord has been up and down. Up and down. Maybe it is because I don't feel I need Him as much. I don't know. I am still working through this roller coaster of a year with the Lord. Year three the Lord has brought a few friends and families into our life that we cherish and I can now call friend. Year three--I am still small and vulnerable but sturdy. And--Year three--we return to Haiti for a visit.  I remind myself of  Jeremiah 17:7-8 that says, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is in the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes;.."  This is my time to anticipate with trust and hope. At the end of the day when all hope seems gone it is important to be planted by THE stream of living water. It may be to hard to get there so why not plant there and not have to worry!

So--Josh and I have been planning this trip to Haiti for about a year now and the time has come. We leave in a week. Some people have asked me "why"?  Our answer is ,"Why Not"? Haiti has impacted our life forever.  We look forward to sharing with you some pictures and moments of our time while there. We ask you for prayer as we go. We look forward to our time with nervousness yet sooo much excitement! Pray the Lord be glorified in our time there and the many friends we will see when we arrive!