Three days until I leave all that I know and head to Haiti. When I look at myself in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. Gray hairs, eyes with crows feet, weight loss, weak. I have cried more tears than a baby cries in it's first years! These 2 and a half years have certainly taken a toll on my body and mind. Tonight I asked myself, Is this worth it? Is this really worth it? I just want to go back to Ohio and live next to Chris and see my friends and go to our Church. So why am I choosing to go down this road that has taken such a toll on me? As I thought about this and started praying, I started sobbing(surprise, surprise :) ). I told Him, I want to go back to life as I knew it. Ohio is my life. I don't know how to live this new life. As I battled this conversation with the Lord there was one question that came to my mind. Would I find peace back home in Ohio? My honest answer to myself was no. When the Lord calls one to surrender their life to His plan we can find no other peace than walking in His will. No matter how difficult the task, no matter how many gray hairs or pounds lost, I cannot go back. In all honesty, I don't want to go back. So now you are thinking, "Joy you just said you wanted to be back now you are saying you don't want to go back". Well, that is just it, as much as I want to, I don't want to. I believe this is a little sign the Lord has used to remind me of His plan for me. And, as a Believer I can't fight the urge to be in God's will. I think about Jesus and how he gave everything up to save me. Was that easy for Him? No! He, in fact, BEGGED His heavenly Father to take "this cup from" him. In the end, Jesus didn't fight what God's will was for Him that night. And aren't we glad He didnt'! What comfort this brings me tonight when all I want is to live my Ohio life again. And when I feel like I can't take another step I asked Him to remind me of all He went through and know that I am not alone.
Tonight, I find myself beyond thankful for Jesus in my heart. This is such a pre-school phrase yet the basic foundation of my life. I don't know how people live without Jesus in their heart. As I walk into this new "life" I walk step by step with Jesus at my side. I am praying now that He will give my strength back so I might be able to serve Him the best I can.
by Joy King on Sunday September 2, 2012
