3 Years in the making..A visit back to Haiti (Joy's reflection)

 This tree reminds me of the past 3 years post Haiti life. I planted this tree which started in a little test tube the kids brought home for Arbor Day. I planted this our first year in our new home. The thing was a twig but I was determined to grow it! I put it in the ground with a milk jug around it for protection. A year later it became a stick. So it grew from a twig to a stick--in a year. This tree's life didn't look too promising.  It was too weak to withstand the elements of Ohio weather and looked like a stick, no leaves--nothing. Year two, surprisingly it sprouted branches and teeny tiny leaves!  And, I had to take the milk jug off due to its size. Maybe this little tree was going to make it! Just last week it's leaves returned and here it stands, year three, still small yet sturdy! As I ran past our house today and looked at the tree it reminded me of the last 3 years of my life in a nut shell.
Returning from Haiti I weathered many storms; disappointment, hurt, deep sadness, friendships that (rightly so) moved on without me, and anxiousness that caused isolation.  The physical and emotional toll caused a weakness in me I had never felt. The need to sit during music at church because I felt weak in the knees and had shortness of breath. I hid in the house afraid to go out and had zero interest or desire to cultivate new friendships. The struggle was so real it was hard to comprehend. I was the twig.  The only thing that got me through those days and months..years was the Lord. I remember crying out and begging to be carried because I couldn't walk.  Slowly, a moment at a time, I started growing stronger. The cloudiness in my head started to clear and I cautiously stepped out. "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yolk is easy and my burden is light." Day in and day out these words ran through my head. I refused to give in to the darkness that so desperately wanted to gobble me up. "Come to me..." is all I could think and pray and do. 2 years post Haiti and the struggle was still very real. I was growing weary. Will I ever get through this?
June of 2017 the missionary family we teamed with in Haiti came to stay with us for a week, the McCormicks. The kids had a blast reuniting and us adults had fun seeing each other and had countless conversations about the three years in Haiti. Through those countless conversations and joy in our time together the darkness within me lifted. The private questions I held and toiled within were answered and a renewed sense of hope appeared! Was I was finally over the hump? Could healing be restored? It can and did! Year three and healing is still taking place.
I decided to make a focused effort on 'today'.  Faithful in 'today' and only today. I try hard not to look past the present calendar day until I wake up in the morning. I prepare for the day and try to be faithful in it. I fall asleep only to wake up and do it all over again. Year three my relationship with the Lord has been up and down. Up and down. Maybe it is because I don't feel I need Him as much. I don't know. I am still working through this roller coaster of a year with the Lord. Year three the Lord has brought a few friends and families into our life that we cherish and I can now call friend. Year three--I am still small and vulnerable but sturdy. And--Year three--we return to Haiti for a visit.  I remind myself of  Jeremiah 17:7-8 that says, "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is in the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes;.."  This is my time to anticipate with trust and hope. At the end of the day when all hope seems gone it is important to be planted by THE stream of living water. It may be to hard to get there so why not plant there and not have to worry!

So--Josh and I have been planning this trip to Haiti for about a year now and the time has come. We leave in a week. Some people have asked me "why"?  Our answer is ,"Why Not"? Haiti has impacted our life forever.  We look forward to sharing with you some pictures and moments of our time while there. We ask you for prayer as we go. We look forward to our time with nervousness yet sooo much excitement! Pray the Lord be glorified in our time there and the many friends we will see when we arrive!

King Update-Back in the U.S. of A.

Our Good Friends

It is hard to believe we have been back in the States for over 2 months! Saying good-bye to some special friends and team members was extremely difficult yet bittersweet.  I was hoping to give you an update that speaks of all the wonderful things that have fallen in place since returning.  But I can't. For the most part we are still waiting and praying, searching out every end possible.  We are trying to trust the Lord at every twist and turn without growing weary. My good ole' friend Waiting makes life difficult. So, what are we waiting for? We  are waiting for

More Friends

someone to hire Josh. Waiting for someone to see the gifts and talents God has given him. We are waiting to find a house. Waiting to see where we will begin the next chapter of life.  

 Making decisions while waiting is extremely difficult because of our unknown future. However, decisions have to be made. So we have made a couple heart-wrenching decisions.  We decided to settle down in Hartville, Ohio instead of our old stomping grounds in Cuyahoga Falls. We LOVE the falls but Hartville is a better location for us. So Josiah and Hope will attend a new school starting next week. We have a 3rd and 5th grader now! Hard to believe. After visiting the school who would have thought that taking the bus and having a locker would cause immense joy and excitement in them?! Oh the little

things!

Amy Kunes bought them
shirts to welcome them to
Lake schools!

 Josiah and Hope are now Blue Streaks, attending Lake schools!--- Just typing this I have to take a deep breath, because, again, our future is unknown. I have clung to Psalms 37:5-7, "Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.."  We are committing our way to the Lord. Establishing in Hartville. Attending new schools. Trusting the Lord will see our desire to serve Him here.  Even though we have no idea where Josh's job will be we have laid this plan before His throne, confident in Him.

The Kunes family. I don't have words to express the Kunes family, but I will try. Selfless. Servants. Gracious. Givers. Seekers. Lovers. Listeners. Helpers. Sacrfice-ers. They have come along side our family in all of these ways. They came to Haiti in January to visit us! We were refreshed and encouraged by their visit! Before returning to Ohio Roger and Amy offered us a place in their home to live if we chose to return to the states, so we might have time to figure things out. So we took them up on their offer! We are currently living with them not knowing when we are able to leave.  Roger, Amy, Marissa, Kaylee, Jenna and AnnaBelle serve us daily. Their graciousness exceeds all I ever knew of grace. They even allowed our dog, Camo, to stay! And dogs are not their favorite (with the exception of AnnaBelle!). The two older girls share a bed so Hope can have a place to sleep. The girls cleaned out their toy room so Josiah can have a place of his own. They share their food, space, & lives with us. They are the body of Christ in word and action! We would be in a much tougher situation if it wasn't for their desire to serve our family by filling in the gap for us and our home situation. I was hoping we wouldn't need to stay long but job hunting is much harder than we expected. So we sit, thankful, in their beautiful home, waiting for the Lord to open doors.

Josiah and his friend Jzill-Ma

Hope playing with some friends. 

Josh playing soccer with the guys!

     Haiti. Oh precious Haiti. A time we learned, hoped, grew, loved & understood. Sometimes well intended people ask whether we think of  our time in Haiti as a possible mistake or mis-step.  Haiti was NOT a mistake or mis-step. Haiti is a time in our forever story. Our family's story of following Christ no matter what or where. No matter the outcome. He called us there and we followed. We have no doubt about that. After 3 years we believed our time was done. After seeking the Lord He confirmed it as the way we should go. Do we regret it? Absolutely not! Are we thankful for our time? Yes! Did we learn? Yes! Did we see God's hand? Absolutely!  It is a part of us now. And we trust we will use what we learned to better understand and love! 

  We are thankful for those who continue to support us during this time of transition. Please know we don't take this for granted and are diligently seeking employment during this time. I believe we go down in history for having the best support team ever! We will miss watching the Lord provide for us, through His people, to glorify and reach His kingdom come the new year! Thanks for being a part of it!! Thanks for those who have walked alongside us over the last 5 years! It has been quite the ride and we couldn't have done it on our own! Please continue to walk with us as we pray through this need of employment and housing! 

Some of the Jzill Family

Good ole' MaJzill

Joy's Friend Adlene

Our Good-Bye Party

The Missionary Mamas!

    

Praising God First in the Midst of a Tragic Situation- Losing a Baby

  Yesterday morning while hanging my laundry I saw my neighbor, Adlene, sitting in her chair.  Adlene has been pregnant for 5 months however the pregnancy has

A couple weeks ago Adlene and I
made some cakes  for a friend. 

made her quite ill. (They call it "Tensyon" in Creole.  Many young Haitian women die from "Tensyon".  In fact, my neighbor's niece passed away this past Monday from what I suspect was this. The 7 month old baby in her womb also passed.)  After hanging my laundry I went to Adlene's house to check in on her. She was in a lot of pain and did not look good. "I haven't felt the baby in 3 days", she says. "I am in a lot of pain. My stomach hurts."  Adlene went on to tell me that the doctor said if her blood pressure doesn't come down they will have to take the baby.  (Adlene was already taking a high blood pressure pill every morning and evening.) I told her if she needed anything to call for me.  Yesterday afternoon, returning from my run, Renauld, Adlene's husband,  stopped me as I was heading home. He asked if I could take them to the hospital right away. I took a shower and we headed out. Adlene was clearly in labor. While driving her to the hospital she told me she had to go to the bathroom. I pulled over…she didn't have to go to the bathroom. The baby was coming. Before we arrived at the hospital Adlene had delivered the baby in our car. It had yet to detach from her womb though. From then on without pain medicine the doctor helped Adlene's body become free from the infection that was inside her.
 
  As we arrived home from the hospital our neighbors were waiting for Adlene. From this moment on I learned a significant lesson, one I never thought I would learn from them. As we entered Adlene's house the neighbors came in too.  Sitting in quiet, Adlene's soft cries were heard.  One man loving put his arm around her and said, "Adlene, it is time to thank God.  This is a terrible time but you still need to thank God.  For the good and difficult. Am I right? We need to thank God."  Soft whispers came from that room. "Thank-you God." I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't think I would hear those words at that time! I must have had the look of  shock because my friend Rose said, "Joy, you look like you are in shock".  Little did she know their desire to praise God first, in this tragic situation, humbled me to my core. In life's most tragic moments we are to praise God first.  So easy to say yet difficult to do.  What a lesson learned last night.

  It was interesting for me to watch how Adlene responded to this situation. I wondered,  how do Haitian men and women mourn for the little ones they never get to meet?  Do they mourn? I found out they mourn---just like us. In the hospital Renauld said little but when he spoke tears welled up in his eyes. Soft cries expressed from Adlene and soft deep moans from her soul helped me see we are more the same than I knew. She is just like me. She cries for the baby she will never be able to hold and the death she must grieve. But, unlike me, she praised God first. What an example for me to see.
 

Adlene teaching me how
to cook a couple Haitian
dishes.

  This afternoon I went to check on Adlene to see how she was doing. She had a headache yet was feeling pretty good. I told her I told my friends on the computer of her loss. And that a lot of people are praying for her. I was able to tell her that I believe that God loves her very much and that he understands. This was such a sweet time with my dear friend Adlene. Such a sweet time. I pray this will open the door to more conversations about our heavenly father. I pray this tragic experience will lead her closer to our loving Father,
not further away.

  On a total separate note this situation made me think of something else. If a baby being made in a woman's womb is just some tissue building up, my dear friend Adlene and other women who lost "tissue" wouldn't be saddened and upset by their loss. They wouldn't care. They wouldn't need to grieve. There would be zero feelings of attachment to the "tissue".  Zero feelings.  And I wouldn't think about the 2 babies I lost and often wonder who they are and what they would have been like. Adlene lost her baby last night. Her baby.  God's child.

  If you think to, pray for Renauld and Adlene.

"For you formed my inward parts; you wove me in my mother's womb.  I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are your works, And my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seem my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them."    Psalm 139:13-16

She's Dead

(My first conversation with a neighbor since being back. I was on a run.)

…“How is your Mom?”

“She’s dead”, Otianee said.

“What? Your mom?”

“Yes, she died.”

“When?”

“August”

“What happened?”

“She got a fever. She had it for 8 days. She died at the hospital.”

Otianee lives right around the corner. I run past her and her mother several times a week saying hello. I sit with them shooting the breeze, eating their homemade peanut butter underneath their awning.  I can’t believe it! Otianee’s mother is dead.  Standing speechless my heart ached.

Yesterday afternoon my run took on a whole other meaning.  Thoughts enveloped my mind; ‘No wonder the awning hasn’t been up, shielding their porch from the sun.  This is why I haven’t seen the little store in front of their house. I thought things looked different... I never told her about Jesus. All those times sitting with them I NEVER once said Jesus’ name.  Why didn’t I?  How can she be gone?  She was a strong woman. She’s wasn’t even skinny, wasting away like some. I can’t believe she’s dead…’ 

(picture above is Otianee's home. See the blanket up shielding them from the sun?)

While running during the day many people yell to me, “Anpil Cho”. Which means, it is very hot. (Most Haitians think I am crazy for running in the heat of the day.)  I get a lot of “Blanc”(white person) too.  Today was no different.  Though, as I was turning at the halfway point a man on his bike yells to me, “Bondye Renmen Ou”.  God Loves You.  Right then and there I got all choked up ready to cry on the side of the road.  And it wasn’t because someone finally said something different than “blanc” or “anpil cho”.  It was because he told me God loves me.  Now it’s my turn.

  

Returning to Haiti, from the States, showered with anxiety and restlessness I asked the Lord what I am to do with my time here.  God has made two things clear to me. Death is knocking at Haitian people’s door daily. Death comes with little warning.   Haitians need to know God KNOWS their name and died for them.  God has sent me here to do just that, tell them of His love and sacrifice.  I have known this yet never grasped the urgent need to speak of Christ. What a prideful mentality, ‘I will share Christ when I am ready’.  I am ashamed of these thoughts I have had.  God’s will for all Believers is to share His story.   And share it when His Spirit prompts us to. And second, my focus needs to stay on my kiddos.  Most of my time is spent with my children. And I won’t replace that for the world. But sometimes it leaves me wondering why I am living so far from “home” when I am with my kids most of the time.  The answer is, I am making disciples.  This is the time to pour into my children, making them disciples for Christ; teaching, showing, living the gospel for their eyes to see.  It is where I am to be and need to be focused.  Those couple hours 3 days a week when I can get out and meet my neighbors are a precious time. It is a time when disciples can be made. 

Pray for us as we share Jesus with those around us. Pray for boldness despite inadequacy, which lies deep within. Pray the Gospel will penetrate souls and bring them to a saving knowledge of Christ.  

Matthew 28:19-20  “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

He's in the Boat

Yesterday, marked as a day of heaviness.  Not  knowing what to make of it until after lunch.  Josh gone for the day.  Kids outside playing.  I went to my bedroom, closed the door, and said, "I am listening Lord".   Mark 4 was on my mind as I heard Pastor Begg's podcast earlier.  I turned to it.  Mark 4:35-41 was where I sat. Still. Pondering.  We all know the story.  Jesus was in the stern, 'asleep on a cushion'.  A big storm comes, 'waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up'. Disciples wake up Jesus totally freaked out, as my daughter would say.  Jesus got up, said a few words to the wind and sea.  Everything...'perfectly calm'.  Jesus then asks the question, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?".   (At that moment I knew what the heaviness was related to.)  "No Lord, I don't have the faith."  Ever so quietly I sat.  Why is this?  With whispered prayer,  "I feel like I am the boat.  Waves crashing over me.  Water filling up.  Sinking me.  I know You're on the boat.  I know You are.  What am I afraid of?  Where is my faith?"

   I am not sure I know the complete answer to my questions.  Lack-of competency might be one. Feelings of unworthiness might be another.  Not really understanding my path here, another.  Through all of this I am reminded in the beginning of Mark 4; Faith as small as a mustard seed can do great things.  We might never know what comes from those little tiny seeds. Though my insufficient faith might I still be used for Him.

   That afternoon I went visiting.  You might ask what a typical visit looks like. I walk down a dirt road to visit some neighbors.  The visits are almost always outside of the home.  Homes are small and used for sleeping and storing things.  It is not typically a place for visits.  It is very hot in the home.  Little ventilation.  Windows and doors are almost always closed due to unwanted bad spirits that could enter in.  So we sit outside.  Plastic chairs are for visitors only.  After the visit they are put away, back in the house.  I sit, asking how their family is.  Asking how they are.  Listening a lot.  Not really knowing what to say.  My heart, today, must have been on sensitivity alert.  I have lived here for a year and a half and didn't see the filth as I saw yesterday.  Compassion over took me.  Sitting next to their store, which is on a cart, I was surrounded by hundreds of flies.  My neighbors looked dirty.  Not the 'dirty' you might think of.  Soiled might be the better word.  I never noticed the dirt.  How come?  I don't know why.  A boy sitting by me had this cough.  I never heard a cough quite like that.  It made me concerned, wondering what his future holds.  Thoughts whirled; What must the neighbors think of ME?  What am I doing sitting there?   I want to tell them that Jesus wants to be on their boat.  How can I when they are dirty, smelly, hungry, sick, hurting, angry, drunk?  And I am clean, clothed well, not hungry, have insurance and 'well off'….I visit one more family. Their house is made of sticks and tilting so far over, a big log is perched on one side of the house to keep it standing! (This is the family with the pigs.  The boy who washed my window? I told you about them in the last post) I visit them.  The cousin had a baby.  I held the baby.  What a lovely family.  Yet, oh, does mom look tired.  The no-way-out-look.  I sit.  Asking about family again.  And a few more questions.  I felt this warm feeling on my leg.  The baby peed.   Most can't afford diapers.  So babies go where they go.  Can't help it.  They felt bad that this happened.  I reassured them it was no big deal.  After awhile, I head home, wondering how someone like me can tell them who needs to be in their boat.
 
  I am reminded of Moses. He had many excuses as why he couldn't be the one God would use. Through God's love, graciousness and compassion he reassured Moses and also sent Aaron as his helper.  I know I am a Moses.  So unsure of my usefulness.  Faith so small.  I pray my faith will grow, knowing I am right where He wants me,  rooted firmly,  in the boat with him having NOTHING to fear.

Using the "Poor" to Glorify One's Self

Yesterday a neighbor boy came over asking for food.  This simply prodded me to ask him why he is hungry.  We know his family owns at least 10 pigs.  So I ask.
"Why does your family need food?"
     His response, "we don't have any".
 "Do you have pigs?"
     "Yes. But those are my dads."
"Where is your dad?"
     "He is not here."
"Where is he?"
     "He is somewhere."
"You need to tell your dad to sell a pig so your family can eat."
     "No."
"Why not?"
    And the conversation continues.  We told him we will give him some food if he washes one window. As he is washing our window my heart is aching.  All these thoughts are running through my mind. I know it is not his fault he is hungry.  He is just a boy. I know they are "poor".  He shouldn't have to wash my window for food.  But if I  give him some food without work he will be back everyday asking for food.  Oh! the battle that waged within.  Meanwhile, the boy's mother comes walking to our house as her son is washing our window for food. I talk to her asking her why, if they are hungry, aren't they selling a pig so they can have money for food. I don't get a response at all.  The young boy finishes the window and I give him a peanut butter sandwich and a cookie pack knowing he most likely will give that food to his family, leaving nothing for himself.  This is just one story of many that happens throughout our days in Haiti.
 
   The big question is, who is poor?  I believe "poor" is based on each individual's perspective. People living in the United States look at Haiti, for example, and think "poor".  However there are Haitian people who do not consider themselves as poor by any means. In fact, this little boy's family who has the pigs?  They 'look' very poor yet compared to their neighbors and others in Haiti they "have money" because they have animals(the pigs).  Ownership of animals is a mark of wealth here. The managing of their money might be the issue; choosing other things above needs. For Example, our family gave another neighbor family new shorts for Christmas because they were running around in their under ware. It is the end of February and the kids are still running around in their under ware. We assumed they would love getting those shorts for Christmas. So where are the shorts?
   
   Restoring dignity to Haiti is a must. Countries around the world have told Haiti they are poor.  When one is told over and over again what they are they begin to believe it when it isn't the truth. Poverty, in some aspects, is all based on perspective. I drive down roads, here in Haiti, seeing signs.  Well known organizations put up signs in front of homes they built.  These signs have the word "poor" in them or "needy".  I don't know about you but how would you feel driving into your free home seeing a sign that reads "this is for the poor" or "(a named organization) built this for the poor"?  Deep down I would think, "I don't feel poor.  I have a job, house, clothes and food…but"  As time passes by, hearing people tell me I am poor and seeing signs that say I am poor makes me start believing I am poor.  Haiti has been given lots of things because they have been labeled as "poor" and this has crippled them. Honestly, it is hard figuring out where the fine line is between helping or crippling my neighbors. I know some of them need food.  But I also know most can do things to get food.
 
   The Bible has a great story which explains how one man handled people coming to him asking him for food.  Joseph.  Joseph had control over all of Egypt during the great famine. He had people coming to him daily asking for food because of this famine.  First Joseph sold the grain for money.  When the people ran out of money they came back to Joseph saying, "give us food, for why should we die in your presence?  For our money is gone".  Genesis 47 NASB   Did Joseph just give them the food?  NO.. He could have felt guilty…but instead this is what he said, "Give up your livestock, and I will give you food for your livestock, since your money is out."  When their food ran out they came back a 3rd time begging Joseph to buy THEM and their land for food.  Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for Pharaoh because every person was out of money.  The people ended up working on the land they sold to Joseph keeping 1/5 of their product for themselves.  The rest went to Joseph to manage.
   
   What we are trying to do here in Haiti? We are trying to restore dignity that has been lost. In order for people to understand God's love for them they need to be told they are worth it.  If they don't believe they are worth it they won't believe they are worth being saved by grace through Jesus. We can't cripple people in order to calm the guilt we have placed in our hearts. We must live and do without wanting to be recognized. Lots of organizations in Haiti have their names plastered over every thing they have made or done for Haiti.  We must ask ourselves, do we "give"/ "serve" out of the need to feel good about one's self or because we feel guilt?  Or do we "give" and "serve" when the Spirit prompts? When we serve and give it is done quietly, without others knowing, not loudly so all can see(glorifying our self). All we do should glorify God not ourselves.  Haiti, sadly, is a picture of people serving others to glorify oneself(not all of course..but most). Leaving behind a big mess. Dependency.
   
   When someone comes to my door I ask the Lord for discernment. I ask for the Spirit to lead, not my emotions.  I am still trying to figure out who truly is poor in a country, from our perspective, where all appear poor.   My heart seems to tug more at those who are poor spiritually.  That is almost everybody! The question that lies now is, how do we share Jesus to those who view us, white people, so differently than themselves? The answer is NOT gathering a crowd telling them they need Jesus and then giving them fun things afterwards. That is a false sense of evangelism.  We do as Jesus did.  The best example.    We walk alongside each other daily. We Love despite differences. We look for opportunities to teach. We live next to them daily, sharing struggles in this world. We be their neighbor.

Crossing Cultural divides...My sister-in-law's cancer to my Haitian friend's headache?

Tracy
 Last month I got an email from my mom, hearing words I never thought I would hear, "Tracy has cancer."   My sister-in-law, Tracy, hadn't been feeling well for a while and knew it was more than just "not feeling well". Through a series of tests and the removal of her thyroid, cancer was found. She is still undergoing tests and appointments to kick this thing as they have found more cancer in her lymph nodes.

My friend, Marilude
  Last week I visited Marilude down the road. We both had the flu bug a month ago so we hadn't seen each other for a while.  When I got there she was still sick, battling a bad headache.  She was in bed most days due to this relentless headache.  I had those headaches too but Advil took them away so I could function throughout the day.  I couldn't believe she was still sick! I couldn't imagine STILL being in bed! I felt the Lord was prompting me to bring her some Advil that day.  So I did, trusting the Spirit's leading.  The next day I visited her to see how she was doing.  She was up and about! The headache was gone!

  Laying in bed,  2 things came to mind about Tracy and Marilude.  The first thing, I was glad Tracy lives in the United States.  She has access to good health care and all measures will be used to kill the cancer.  My friend, Marilude, here in Haiti?  She left the doctor finding out she is anemic and has bad headaches.  There was no plan to help relieve her from the headaches.  Not even medicine.  The second thing I thought was, I am so glad Tracy and Todd(my brother) love the Lord and have Him to rest in. I can't say that for my friend.

 While living here in Haiti I have come to find that there are 2 specific needs which cross the cultural divide. Physical and spiritual needs.  If these 2 needs aren't met very little hope is found.  Having hope makes all the difference in the world.  For example, my sister-in-law, Tracy. She has hope.  She knows the Lord will carry her through whatever comes her way.  Even through the most difficult words such as "you have cancer", Tracy has hope.  Despite not really knowing a whole lot about the battle before her, she has hope.  Tracy is surrounded by good, skilled doctors and nurses and she has hope in the Lord.  Does she growing weary? Yes.  Does she feel lost, wondering what is going on? Yes. At times, does life feel like it is too much to bear? Yes. Yet, they(Tracy and my brother, Todd) can cling to verses such as Matthew 11:28; "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yolk is easy and my burden is light." What if they didn't have those precious words to cling to at a time like this?  What if she didn't have the well-trained doctors and nurses able to treat the cancer?  She would have no hope.  Which makes me think of my dear friend, Marilude.  Putting myself in Marilude's shoes I would feel defeated and weary.  No health care. Headaches so strong I am in bed, not knowing when they will end.  No medicine available to take the headaches away.  (And there is a simple, over the counter, cure for her headaches. Advil.) No Jesus, comforting me and spurring me on. Ugh! There would be no hope for tomorrow.
      What does this mean for me living here, in Haiti?  The need to be tuned into the Holy Spirit, yielding to It's call, is key.  When the Spirit prompts,  I need to act.  But only when the Spirit prompts. I can't act because I 'feel bad' for those around me.  That would cause a whole lot of other issues for myself and those around me. I have been here over a year and continue to learn about these "helping" issues.  It is tricky line to walk in this culture and environment!  At the end of the day, I have to trust God to lead me in these new-budding relationships, giving me wisdom, discerning each situation.  And at the end of the day my friend needs Jesus so she can have hope. So she can "Come to Jesus" for rest. So she can ask herself, 'what value is in this trial that the Lord would have me walk through it?'  So she can cling to Isaiah 41:10; "..do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
     To wrap this up, Tracy and Marilude have both encountered difficulty yet their outcomes and outlooks are very different. They both are women, created by the same God and are sick.  They were born into 2 very different countries and cultures BUT their needs are the same! These 2 simple needs cross the cultural divide.  Now all I have to do is keep working to truly figure out what that looks like here in Haiti!  Wish me luck!